I have been feeling a little sad lately, perhaps it's a small dose of the baby blues coupled with feeling non-productive! I used to roll my eyes (to myself) when other moms would say how hard it was to just take a shower on a daily basis when you have kids - plural. Well, I feel it is an accomplishment if I shower every other day!!! I feel too tired in the morning to jump in the shower before everyone wakes up...I wait until they wake me up which is somewhere between 6-7am.
I used to be a VERY productive person, list in hand crossing things off right and left. I get a real sense of accomplishment from doing things that are on my list. In fact, my mom calls me the task-master...not so much anymore. I leave my clean laundry in the baskets for days before I have the desire or energy to put it away. I just washed my floors last weekend and it had been a month since it had been cleaned. I don't exercise - no energy or time. So the fact that I have 35 lbs to lose sort of depresses me.
I don't mean to complain, it's just that I have realized that I need to lower my expectations when it comes to being super productive with the things on my list. I am torn because I spend most of my days holding and feeding Samantha. I love it. I love her. I know these days will pass too fast, so I am trying to soak in the moments and breathe. But, I find that I am having an inner-struggle between the woman that wants to hold and kiss her baby and enjoy the moments and the woman that loves to be productive. Have any of you felt that way after having a baby? Where is the fine line? Is there one? Or do I wait it out? I know it probably passes because anyone with more than one kid that I know, is productive. Right now, I don't see the task master coming back easily.
The things that keep me sane and content for the most part are these beautiful people. I'm thankful each day for them.
Tuesday, April 29, 2008
Lowering Expectations
Posted by Kirkland's at 4:11 PM
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15 comments:
The sooner you lower your expectations the better!! Each new child is it's own adjustment. You'll get the hang of it, but don't ever fool yourself into thinking you will be as productive on the same kinds of things.
Right now you are being VERY productive in the things that need you RIGHT NOW!! Your little girls will not be little for long, and you can't get that time back.
So, who cares if you don't shower for a few days? I still don't shower every day, or every other day sometimes.
You are completely normal, and your girls are beautiful. Give yourself a break, and don't worry about the weight. Seriously, it took me over a year to lose it all with my second.
So easier said than done, but just let it all go for now. Enjoy that sweet little baby. The laundry will always be there but your sweet little one wont. Trust me, I swear I had Quin yesterday, and now he's alsmost 7 months. I know it is way way easier said than done but do your best to let go and enjoy this awesome time! Life isn't perfect so we don't have to be either!
I am in exactly the same boat. All I want to do is hold this little baby and SLEEP!
Clean laundry? What's that?
I have started walking my kindergartner to the bus stop every day. It feels good to get out of the house and get some kind of exercise. I plan to go a little farther each week. Come with me! I leave at 11:30 M-TH and 10:30 F.
Melanie, I still feel this way sometimes. I think, should I clean my house or cross off tasks, or drop everything to play with Trey when he asks...he won't always be this age, or this eager to play with mom. I think there is a happy medium. Enjoy your children, soak it up, and maybe just cross 1 small thing off your list here and there that are most bothersome to you. You do need to keep your sanity!
Well, I only have one kid or any good advice, but I know that you are an amazing woman and a wonderful mother! I think that is all that counts!
Love ya Mel!
You're doing great! Yes, what you're feeling is normal. I am a list person too. My youngest is 6 and I still have to give myself permission to leave the clean laundry in the basket. (and I do)
Laundry will always be there, but now is the time to do just as you are doing- soaking up all that new baby love. You're a great Mother!
Ditto to every single thing that Kara said!!
They grow up way too fast-- cherish every single minute. My baby is almost one, and that makes me want to CRY!!!
baby blues suck.. i am just finally feeling normal and reese is 2 months. your body does crazy things when you have a baby. just like i told you today, sleep when you can and the sadness wont be as bad. i think the biggest reason for the blues is sleep deprivation! and take bathes at night with some feel good music to decompress. (with out interruptions!)
I was really happy when I read this post. I love lists also, and I know that with this second baby coming I will have to ease up a bit on what I expect out of every day. But it just made me happy to know that other people feel the same way. And like everyone else has said just enjoy the moments with you're little girls, really everything else isn't that important. But I know that I am going to feel the same way you do in a few weeks.
Hey this is Sarah--
Thanks Mel... seriously. I love honesty.
I feel the EXACT same way. Without an actual job to go to each day, I have really made my mother/wife/homemaking my job and I am ALL ABOUT lists and getting as much done as possible during the day. Doing all I can plus having a clean, happy, well fed Benson and husband makes me feel fulfilled... now my life is turned upside down.
It is HARD and I tell myself everyday that it takes MONTHS to get back into the groove of things. I agree with what has been said, the sleep thing is #1 for me because then I don't drive myself as crazy as I could.
I am trying to be patient and endure the first three months without ANY expectations of myself. When I have a minute, I do something little... when Ben is home i ask him to give me a half hour and I run around and get things done,etc. Everyone is different but, I say lower your expectations for now. Give yourself time!! BUt what do I know! I'm trying to figure this out too, but it is SO comforting to know others are going through the same thing!!!!!!
Don't be too hard on yourself Mel! You JUST had a baby you know!! Give yourself some time to relax and adjust to everything! Just enjoy your little family, and especially your baby. Time flies so fast. I have NEVER looked back and wished that I had spent more time cleaning my house! You won't either!
I love how honest you are. Enjoy the moments, everything will get done, later. I think all moms struggle with that, and I am sure it is even harder with 2 kids. Take Care and know that everyone loves you!
I totally feel that way, I struggle trying to figure out if a good mom plays on the floor with her child or just washes the floor after her child plays! I want to do both, but they don't go hand in hand! EXCELLENT POST, I am glad to see other moms feel the same way!
My motto is "time and season!" This is your time to love, cuddle and kiss that baby and little girl before they grow up so fast! There will be a day again where you'll find a schedule for your family and you can work out, shower, clean house and be productive. But that will be another time and another season. So hang in there and soak up this moment!
Ah Mel,
It does get easier. It is a real struggle to find a balance with 2 kids. Right after Paige was born Elyse stopped napping and that was rough! I had NO time during the day to myself to get anything done. I still have a hard time trying to balance getting things done and just hanging with the girls. Some days are better than others! Hang in there! And give yourself a break - I think as moms we are the hardest on ourselves.
I can't wait to meet your girls this summer!
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